


Talk to Her (or shove your feelings down and hope they go away)

by awkwardatfirstsight



Category: Booksmart (2019)
Genre: F/F, smooth Hope, useless lesbian Amy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2020-04-11 12:46:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19109956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardatfirstsight/pseuds/awkwardatfirstsight
Summary: Hope has a hopeless crush on Amy from the second she meets her and Amy is oblivious.And God, crushing on someone is so entirely not Hope’s style.She doesn’t do vulnerable.  She hates it.  She already hates how she’s only known Amy for minutes but she’s already putty in Amy’s hands....No.  Shove the feelings down and move on.  That’s much more her style





	1. Are you just going to sit there and watch me all day?

**Author's Note:**

> The first time Hope meets Amy.
> 
> (P.S. this is my first time writing fanfic, so please go easy on me. thx)

Hope walked through the halls scanning the lockers. 258. 245. 237. If she could only find stupid number 232, but it was starting to like said locker didn’t actually exist. Hope looked around the hall over the heads of other freshmen searching for their own respective lockers. Typically her height came as an advantage in situations like these, allowing her to see above the crowd to find what she was looking for, but in this case it didn’t seem to be helping whatsoever.

“Just fucking open!”

Hope’s search was now distracted by a short auburn haired girl struggling with her locker. Hope silently watched as the girl stood on her tippy toes and jiggled the lock. She was cute.

“Oh, Come on!” the girl exclaimed in frustration before dropping her head against the locker in defeat. She immediately grimaced and rubbed her forehead after hitting the locker with more force than she intended.

Hope smiled to herself and walked over.

“Can I help you out there?”

The girl stiffened and looked over at Hope wide eyed.

“Oh, uh, hi. No. No. Nope. I’m fine, thanks.” The girl rushed out nervously before refacing her locker and pushing back up on her toes and attempting her combination again.

Hope looked down at the locker beneath the girls. 232. Maybe high school would be alright if she got to be around this girl all the time. She smiled and leaned against the lockers to wait.

“Are you sure because it looked like you could use a hand.”

“I’m fine.” The girl clipped back.

Hope raised her eyebrows watching the girl struggle. The girl turned to look at her, blushing a bit and clearly unnerved by being under Hope’s gaze.

“Are you just going to sit there and watch me all day?”

“Maybe.” Hope smirked when the girl blushed even more. She was so red there was no way she could blush anymore than this.

“I- uh” The girl opened and closed her mouth a few times trying to speak but no words seemed to be forming.

“I mean, you won’t accept my help and my locker is below yours so…” Hope drifted off but the girl just continued to stare at her in shock. God this girl was a flustered mess.

Hope straightened up from the lockers she was leaned against, “How rude of myself not to introduce myself to my locker neighbor,” she stuck out her hand, “I’m Hope.”

The girl awkwardly took her hand, “Amy.”

Hope smiled and shook her hand.

_Amy. Amy. Amy._

She liked the way it sounded.

“So, Amy, are you going to open your locker anytime soon, or?”

“Y-yeah. Um. Yeah, I am. It’s just kinda tall and I’m short and I can’t really see the numbers on the lock when I try to put my combo in so I keep getting it wrong but I-”

“You still don’t want my help?”

“I can’t tell you my locker combo! That’s secret information! It’s like a phone passcode, nobody is supposed to know it! Especially not some random stranger I just met.”

“1, 2, 3, 4.” Hope leaned her back against the lockers so she could face Amy who was attempting to input her combination again.

“What?”

“That’s my phone passcode.” Hope shrugged nonchalantly.

“Why would you tell me that!” Amy’s eyebrows shot up. “Also that is a terrible passcode, you definitely need to change that.”

Hope giggled at the girls reaction leaning closer to Amy. “Will you please let me help you with your locker.”

“I- I can’t.”

Hope thought for a second, “wanna switch?”

“What?” Amy looked at her confused.

Hope smirked leaning in closer to Amy’s face.

“I mean you seem like more of a _bottom,_ anyways.” 

Hope was wrong before, Amy was capable of blushing more than she already was. In fact, Amy was currently breaking record for how red a human being could blush.

“Excuse me?”

“You seem like more of a bottom locker, you know being so short?” Hope furrowed her eyebrows, “why, what did you think we were talking about?”

In lieu of response, Amy returned her focus to trying to open up her locker.

Hope rolled her eyes, “C’mon Amy just let me help.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ve got it” Hope leaned in and started to reach to cover Amy’s hand on the locker when. BANG. The locker swung open and hit Hope square in the face.

“Fucking Hell.” Hope grabbed her nose.

“Oh my God. Oh my God. I’m so sorry. I didn’t- Oh my God.” Amy waved her hands around nervously.

“No, no, it’s fine.” Hope moved her hands away from her nose to try to calm Amy down only to see blood on them.

“Oh my God, you’re bleeding. This is not fine. You need to go to the nurse!” Amy shut her locker.

“I’m fine. I just need some tissues.” Hope tried to wave her away.

“No, I’m taking you to the nurse.” Amy grabbed Hope hand to guide her.

Hope felt like electricity pulsed through her body at the touch. She couldn’t stop the smile from coming the her face.

Maybe going to the nurse wouldn’t be so bad.

But they weren’t going anywhere. Hope looked over at Amy who was frozen and staring at their intertwined hands as if her hand acted against her will.

“Uh… Amy? Are you okay?”

“Uh Yeah. I’m fine. Great actually.”

Hope looked at her amused.

“Right, nurse!” Amy started to pull her through the crowd of students before slowing to a stop. “Um, you don’t happen to know where the nurses office would be do you?”

Hope rolled her eyes and started to tug Amy along, “C’mon, this way, nerd.”

And God, her nose hurt and it was probably going to bruise but Hope couldn’t help but smile as she squeezed Amy’s hand in hers. She couldn’t help the way her heart was racing and her stomach fluttered every time Amy’s arm would slightly brush her side.

And God, crushing on someone is so entirely not Hope’s style.

She doesn’t do vulnerable. She hates it. She already hates how she’s only known Amy for minutes but she’s already putty in Amy’s hands. 

She hates it even more that Amy seems to have no clue the effect she has on Hope.

She’s probably straight, anyways. Hope thought to herself. Really it would be easier if she was straight because then Hope could pretend this crush never happened. Like she never had a weakness in the form of freckles, and auburn hair, and a contagious smile. No, if she’s straight she can tell herself to move on.

But a tiny part of Hope was secretly praying that Amy liked her too.

Not that she would ever admit it.

No. Shove the feelings down and move on. That’s much more her style.


	2. I Never Took You for a Piner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _This is hopeless, and stupid, and she really should just get over this crush. She should really just find another girl to take Amy off her mind. But that would be impossible because Amy is the only thing taking up her mind._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you thank you thank you to everyone for reading this!
> 
> @ everyone who left comments on the last chapter you make my heart _SOAR!_
> 
> lots of love and enjoy the new chapter

So maybe the shoving your feelings down thing wasn’t working.

It was hopeless.

This stupid crush she swore would go away freshmen year had only kept growing and growing and now it’s the last day of Senior year and Hope is quickly running out of time to make a move.

She would’ve said something earlier, but no matter what she does she can never get Amy’s attention. Four years of having the locker below Amy’s and being in the same classes and it seems like she can never get Amy to even look her in the eye. She doesn’t know what she did wrong, but whatever it was, she clearly scared Amy off after that first day. Trying to get Amy to notice her was nearly impossible. Hope figured maybe she was straight and the flirting must have freaked her out, but it couldn’t even have been that because in tenth grade Amy came out.

Yeah that had been great for Hope’s forget this crush and move on plan. _Real great._

But even with the knowledge that Amy is gay, Hope still knew she didn’t stand a chance. Amy was too good for her anyways. With her perfect grades, and perfect hair, and perfect personality. There was no way Hope would be good enough for her. Amy deserves someone better. At least that’s what Hope tells herself.

So _maybe_ Hope was a little mean to Amy. Small comments here and there because somehow that was the only way to get the girl’s attention. To get Amy to look at her in the eyes long enough for Hope to feel her stomach flip. _Maybe_ Hope was mean to Amy because she didn’t know how to deal with these feelings. Because it is so much easier to strike with passing comments than to open up to Amy about how badly she just wants to hold her hand and count how many freckles she has. _Maybe_ Hope was mean to her because she knew Amy deserves better.

Because it would be easier to just let Amy go. Move on and find a new girl during her summer break. Find a new girl and let Amy fade from her memory.

Right? _So much easier._

But Hope had one major problem. She can’t get Amy out of her head. She’s tried for four years to get the girl out of her head with no luck. Instead her feelings only grew stronger and her heart seemed to whisper _what if_ to her everytime she caught eyes with Amy while passing through the halls. 

_What if Amy likes her too._

The what if’s. The stupid what if’s at the back of her mind. The tiny voice that reminds her that she will never know unless she tries. What if Amy likes her too.

Hope slumps back in her seat and tunes out the sounds of George and Alan talking about whatever stupid event they were putting on for drama this summer. She stares at the back of Amy’s head instead. She thinks about how Amy has Ms. Fine’s number and not hers, a tragedy, really.

But _what if_ she changed that.

Hope turns and grabs a notebook from a guy sitting next to her.

“Hey!”

She tears a paper from it and hands it back to the boy. She scribbles her number onto it. She looks at the paper satisfied and then at the back of Amy’s head. Now how to get it to her.

Hope crumples the paper into a ball and chucks it at Amy. It hits Amy in the head and drops to the ground. Amy turns around and glares at her. Hope’s heart stops momentarily at the eye contact as she smirks back and winks. Amy looks confused and angry. She grabs the crumpled paper and places it on her desk. Hope smiles to herself victorious.

Her smile fades when she notices that Amy isn’t opening the paper.

The bell rings and Hope watches as Amy stands and leaves with Molly throwing Hope’s crumpled paper ball into the recycling bin. Hope’s heart drops, but she can’t help but smile slightly at the action.

The recycling bin, of course. _It’s so Amy._ It’s so Amy it makes her heart ache.

Hope shakes the thought out of her head and instead grabs her bag and quickly rushes down the hall. She purposely bumps into Amy as she passes her.

“Seriously, Hope!” Amy yells after her. Hope smirks to herself.

Hope weaves through the crowd of students and around the corner until she reaches her destination. She leans against the locker with ease and pulls out her phone. She scrolls through instagram and pretends she doesn’t notice the very annoyed girl approaching her.

“Can you move?” Hope looks up from her phone at Amy and her heart stops. She hides how much Amy’s sheer proximity affects her with a smug smile instead.

“Make me.”

Amy blushes. “I- um. Seriously, I have to get my stuff.” Hope pretends to think about it.

“What’s the password?” Amy looks at her confused.

“Please?” Hope pushes off from the locker and takes a step closer into Amy’s space. Her head is spinning. She’s close enough to count the freckles on Amy’s face.

“Nope. The password is actually made up of numbers. Ten of them, to be exact.”

Amy’s face is bright red now. The butterflies in Hope’s stomach are going insane because she’s doing it. She’s making her blush. She’s being smooth. She’s going to get Amy’s num-

“I-” Amy is cut off by Molly speed walking toward them.

_Fucking Molly._

“Amy! C’mon we are going to be late! The lunch line is going to be so long!” Molly looks at Hope and then at Amy. She furrows her eyebrows. “Am I interrupting something?”

_Yes! Yes, God dammit you ARE!_

Hope sighs. She locks eyes with Amy, “To be continued.” She leans in closer so only Amy can hear her, “Oh, and maybe you shouldn’t recycle everything you touch.” Amy only gives her a confused look in return.

Hope walks away, but not without hearing Molly exclaiming, “What the fuck was that about?”

Hope continues to walk around the corner. She smiles to herself because she did it. She made Amy flustered. This needs to be commemorated.

Hope turns into the bathroom. She opens up the nearest stall and sits down. She pulls out a sharpie and pulls the cap off. But before she can touch the marker to the wall next to her she can hear the bathroom door slam open.

“Amy! We have to go!”

Hope sucks in a breath and remains quite.

“Molly, I’m not going to a party.”

Hope can’t help the smile that comes to her face at the sound of Amy’s voice.

“Please! Pleasepleasepleaseplease!!”

“No.”

Hope rolled her eyes. Of course perfect Amy wouldn’t go to a party on the last night of High School.

“Ryan will be there.” Molly’s voice was suggestive. Hope’s heart dropped.

“So what? She probably doesn’t even like me.”

“Um, hello! She invited you!”

“She could just be being nice.”

“Ok well if she didn’t like you she would be stupid. Because. You are. Amazing.”

Hope’s heart feels like the crumpled piece of paper that Amy threw away.

“I don’t even know what I’m doing with girls.”

“It can’t be that hard. Just do whatever you do-”

It was too much Hope couldn’t take it anymore. The Sharpie slipped from her hand and clattered onto the ground. Molly stopped talking.

“Hello?” Molly asked.

Well, her cover is blown.

Hope walks out of the stall without looking at Amy. She doesn’t think her heart can handle it. She focuses her eyes on the sink as she washes her hands. She grabs paper towels and dries her hands desperately trying to get out of this situation. She is about to turn and leave when-

“Hey Hope, you go to parties, right?” Molly asks.

Hope looks at Molly, she still avoids looking at Amy. “Uhh, Yeah.”

Molly smiles, “Great! Don’t you think Amy should woman up and go to one!” Molly dramatically wraps her arm around Amy’s shoulder and pulls her closer.

Hope finally looks at her. At her brown eyes. At her freckles. At the hopeful look in her eye. It was a mistake. She can feel her heart breaking. Because Amy doesn’t like her. Amy likes Ryan. She can’t look anymore so she focuses her eyes on her shoes.

“You should go.” She says and she quickly exits the bathroom.

“See, Amy, even Hope says you should go!”

“Fine! Fine I’ll go.”

*****

She wasn’t going to go. Hope didn’t want to subject herself to a night of watching Amy flirt with Ryan. Yet here she was. 

This is hopeless, and stupid, and she really should just get over this crush. She should really just find another girl to take Amy off her mind. But that would be impossible because Amy is the only thing taking up her mind. Because _she’s here._ At a party. Perfect, rule following, Amy is here. How could Hope possibly move on when Amy is sitting there in front of her in that dress and hypnotizing her with her laugh.

But then, there’s Ryan.

Ryan who is fun, and cute, and quirky. Ryan who, according to Molly, has Amy’s heart.

Ryan who is leaned back into Amy and resting her arm on her leg. Ryan who keeps whispering things to Amy and making her laugh.

“Amy, huh?”

Hope practically jumps out of her skin at the voice next to her.

“Jesus, Gigi. Where the fuck did you come from?”

Gigi ignore the question, “It’s because she smells like vitamins isn’t it?”

Hope looks at her like she is insane, “She what?”

“You know, I never took you for a piner,” Gigi continues.

Hope scoffs, “I do not pine.”

Gigi raises her eyebrows at her and the glances to Amy who is now being pulled to sing karaoke. Hope follows her gaze.

“You should talk to her.” Gigi says as if it is the easiest thing in the world. As if Hope hasn’t been trying to get Amy’s attention for the past four years. Because while Amy is smart, she is also so stupid because every time Hope even attempts to flirt with her it goes over her head.

“She doesn’t want to talk to me. She wants to talk to Ryan.”

“Ryan likes Nick.” Gigi shrugs like it is a well-known fact. Hope’s eyes widens. Maybe she has a chance.

Hope is distracted the second Amy starts to sing. Hope’s jaw drops because _Holy Shit,_ Amy can sing and she is into it. Hope can feel Gigi’s eyes on her. She knows she is watching her staring at Amy with complete heart eyes. She can feel her silent comment about how Hope is desperately pining for Amy. But she doesn’t care right now because Amy is all she can focus on.

So what if Gigi is totally right? She is absolutely pathetically pining for Amy. But what is she supposed to do? _It’s Amy._

“Talk to her.” Gigi says as she stands and leaves the room.

“What am I supposed to say?” But it’s too late. Gigi has already disappeared to God-knows-where. Hope deflates a bit when the song ends and Ryan hugs Amy.

_Because it should be her. It should be her. Oh my God, she wishes it was her._

But it’s not, it’s Ryan.

It’s Ryan who is grabbing Amy’s hand and dragging her out the back door towards the pool. It’s Ryan who gets to see Amy taking off her dress to swim with her. It’s Ryan who is making Amy blush. It’s Ryan. It’s Ryan. It’s Ryan.

It’s too much.

Hope stands up and walks to the bar. She grabs a bottle of vodka and takes a swig before walking away from where she knows Amy is. She goes deeper into the house. She needs to be alone.

She shouldn’t have come. It was hopeless from the start.

Hope flings open the door to the bathroom to see two seniors she couldn’t be bothered to know the names of making out against the counter. They break apart quickly. Spooked by the sound of the opening door.

“Get the fuck out.” Hope says.

Thankfully, her scary cool girl persona does the trick because the couple scramble out of the bathroom to leave her alone.

Hope shuts the door behind them. Finally alone, she lets out a shaky breath she didn’t know she was holding. She grabs the sink with her hands and looks at her reflection in the mirror.

She is not going to cry.

No way. She is not about to let herself cry over a stupid crush. It’s not like she was ever in a relationship with Amy. It’s not like Amy ever noticed her or anything. She has seen this moment coming since freshman year when the fluttering of feelings started.

Her eyes are stinging. Tears begging to be released, but she blinks them back.

Hope fumbles around in her pockets and pulls out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. She lights one and takes a drag. She puts the lid down on the toilet and sits down.

She should’ve said something to her earlier. Because if she had then she could’ve been the one making Amy smile brighter than the sun. She could get to hear her laugh everyday. She could hold her hand and whisper to her that she is beautiful. She could know what her lips taste like. She could know everything there is to know about Amy.

She shook her head like an etch-a-sketch trying to clear the thoughts of Amy out of her head. But suddenly, the door is opening and Amy is there in the bathroom. Hope swears the bathroom just got a whole lot smaller and a few degrees warmer.

Is she seeing things?

Amy is in front of her at the sink crying.

She’s crying. _What the fuck did Ryan do?_ Hope will kill her.

Amy doesn’t realize Hope is sitting right there staring wide eyed at her. Hope needs to say something, anything. She moves a bit, leans one arm against the wall.

_This is cool right?_

“What the fuck? I locked that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey lovelies, thanks for reading
> 
> the next chapter will be up on thursday
> 
> as usual hmu on tumblr if you want to talk booksmart/gay shit/send prompts  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/awkwardatfirstsight


	3. An Interesting Time to Take a Shower.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope encounters Amy in the bathroom.
> 
> _“You don’t even know me.” Amy interrupts Hope’s train of thought._
> 
> _Hope has to hold back a laugh becase after four years of observing and dreaming and mentally noting everything Amy does, even when she thinks nobody is watching Hope is pretty fucking sure she knows exactly who Amy is._   
> 

_“What the fuck? I locked that.”_

Amy stills by the sink. She turns toward hope and wipes at her eyes. She looks annoyed to see Hope.

“Yeah, well obviously not.”

“What’s wrong with you? Fight with your wife?” She can’t help but resort to being mean. It’s her built in defense mechanism and just being in Amy’s presence she’s already feeling vulnerable.

“Can you please just leave me alone.” Amy sounds desperate, but Hope can’t leave not when she’s finally gotten Amy’s full attention.

Hope puts her cigarette out against the bottom of her shoe before standing and discarding it in a cup resting on the tub. She moves in closer towards Amy.

“Why are you even at a party? Shouldn’t you be like marching in some meaningless protest somewhere. Or, I don’t know, in your bed doing homework?” Hope fishes. Maybe if she riles Amy up enough she’ll reveal who hurt her and Hope can go find whoever did this to Amy and-

“You don’t even know me.” Amy interrupts Hope’s train of thought.

Hope has to hold back a laugh becase after four years of observing and dreaming and mentally noting everything Amy does, even when she thinks nobody is watching Hope is pretty fucking sure she knows exactly who Amy is.

“Pretty sure I do.”

But maybe she was wrong. Maybe she doesn’t know everything there is about Amy, because suddenly she’s met by a much feistier Amy with a fire behind her eyes.

“No, you’re just one of those people who claims that they’re honest or calling people on their shit when really you’re just mean.” Amy turns back to face herself in the mirror.

Hope raises her eyebrows. She moves into Amy’s space as she speaks.

“Wow, no, I take it back. You are a badass. Who takes no prisoners... and cries in the bathroom at parties.” 

“Why are you so cruel?” Amy turned to full face her. Hope smirked. 

“I just don’t like meek people.” which is true to an extent. Hope doesn’t like meek people, yet here’s Amy one of the meekest people she’s ever seen and instead of finding it annoying everything about Amy is so endearing to Hope. Here’s Amy a chink in her armor, a soft spot in her apathetic cool girl persona. “And you, you’re just like Molly’s little sidekick bitch.”

“Well you’re just a basic hot girl who’s gonna peak in high school.” Amy took a step toward her and Hope’s brain was short-circuiting because-

Amy called her hot. She called Hope hot. And she looks so angry and _holy fucking shit_ it is turning Hope on.

For the first time Hope finds herself speechless around Amy. Amy’s quick breathing the only sound in the bathroom.

Then suddenly, Amy surges forward and presses her lips against Hope’s. Hope can’t believe it. Amy is kissing her. _Amy!_ She must be dreaming, because there’s no way this is happening right now. Hope pulls back quickly because she needs to see Amy’s face. She needs to know this is real. Needs to make sure this kiss is means the same thing to Amy as it does to her and that it isn’t just a heat of the moment action.

Amy looks worried like she did something wrong or overstepped her boundaries. Hope lets out a small laugh. This is real. This is better than she imagined. This is actually happening. _Amy kissed her._

Encouraged by Hope’s soft laugh, Amy surges forward again and this time Hope is ready. She leans down and kisses Amy back with just as much force.

Everything is Amy and it is overwhelming. Her heart is pounding and she’s sure Amy can feel it. Her stomach flips as Amy starts to push her jacket off her shoulders. She helps her shrug it off.

Soon enough they are both on the floor. Amy leans back and pulls Hope’s shirt up and over her head. Hope bites her lip. She’s only nervous for a split second because Amy is looking at her like she _wants_ her just as much as she’s been wanting Amy.

“Woah.” Amy whispers before leaning forward and reconnecting their lips.

But then Amy pulls away quickly, “Um.”

“Are you okay?” Hope immediately stops.

“Yeah, sorry. I just, uh,” Hope watches Amy concerned, “I just got a little dizzy for a second there, um.”

“We can stop if you want.” Hope will do whatever Amy wants. Amy may not realize it but Hope had always been ready to do whatever Amy wanted.

“No. We are not stopping.” Amy asserts, determined, and _fuck_ it turns Hope on.

“Okay.” Hope giggles and leans back. She helps Amy with getting her jeans off.

Amy has her pants halfway down her legs before she runs into Hope’s shoes. Hope is inwardly cursing herself for not wearing her slip on vans tonight, opting for hightops instead. Of course she had to have picked the hardest shoe to get off tonight of all nights.

But Amy is speedily untying her shoes and tugging her jeans further down. With one last tug Amy falls backwards. Hope can’t help but giggle.

“Are you okay?” Hope cranes her head up to watch Amy.

“Yup.” Amy crawls back to Hope.

Hope watches Amy nervously as Amy finally pulls her underwear down her legs. Amy just stops and stares at her and Hope doesn’t know if this is a good or bad thing. Hope laughs nervously as Amy still sits there frozen.

“I should probably take off mine too.” Amy finally speaks moving her hands to work on getting her dress off.

Hope nods, “Yeah.” She watches as Amy pulls the dress up and over her body. Hope looks her up and down. That dress was amazing on Amy, but seeing her taking it off was making her heart skip beats. “That’s a nice dress.”

“It’s all she had.” Amy finally frees herself from the dress, “Ms. Fine.”

Hope rolls her eyes laughing and drops her head back to the floor, “Oh my God, of course.”

Amy crawls up her body and Hope can’t breathe. She never could have imagined this is how her first time with Amy would go down. First of all, she never expected Amy would be on top of her and taking control. But Hope can’t help but let Amy do whatever she wants with her.  
Hope’s senses are overwhelmed when Amy leans down and kisses her. Everything is Amy. Hope’s heart flutters as she feels Amy trailing a hand down her body. Amy pulls back to look at her and- _Oh!_ Hope gasps involuntarily. That’s not what she was expecting.

“Um, how, h-how is that for you?” Amy asks her and Hope doesn’t know how to tell her without scaring her off of the misstep.

“Um, it’s okay.”

“Is there, is there, like, another way you would prefer or, like-” Amy starts to ramble and Hope finds it endearing that Amy cares.

_Fuck,_ she’s gonna have to tell her.

“No, I… um…” Hope moves her hand up towards Amy’s face as she tries to gently tell her, “I don’t think that’s the hole you think it is.”

Amy stiffens above her, “Oh my God.”

“No, no, it’s okay!” Hope tries to calm her down but it’s too late. Amy leans back and starts to nervously waved her hands around.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!”

“No, it’s okay!” Hope can’t think of a way to calm Amy down.

“Oh my God, I just- I’m not used to approaching it from that angle and my geo- my geometry was off.” Amy is nervously rambling and Hope finds it so adorable. Of course this nerd would bring geometry into it.

“Seriously, don’t worry about it.” Hope giggles.

“I’m sorry.” Amy reaches and grabs a cup nearby. Hope thinks maybe she’s succeeded in calming Amy down. Amy downs whatever is in the cup and immediately freezes and looks like she regrets it. Hope watches and grows concerned.

“Are you good?”

And that’s when the worst possible thing happens. Amy throws up on Hope.

“What the fuck!?” Hope gets up quickly and jumps into the shower.

“I’m sorry!” Amy sounds desperate and genuinely worried but Hope can’t deal with this right now.

Hope turns the water on. She tries not the throw up herself and desperately scrubs at her body.

“Amy, just go.” 

“I’m going as fast as I can.” She can hear Amy rustling around outside of the shower and she can’t believe it.

Hope searched the shower for soap before pouring nearly the entire bottle of shower gel onto herself and turning the dial hotter.

“Get the fuck out!”

“Sorry! I’m sorry!” Hope hears Amy say quickly and then the door opens and shuts.

Hope rests her head against the shower wall and sighs. Maybe she was a little mean to Amy. But to be fair, Amy throwing up on her wasn’t exactly a confidence booster. Not the effect she wanted to have on women.

Hope thinks. Amy hadn’t drank that much for her to throw up. Besides, getting wasted would be entirely out of character for the shorter girl.

Hope sighed. She already knew she wasn’t good enough for Amy, she just didn’t realize she would literally make the girl throw up on her.

Maybe Amy didn’t like her at all. Maybe this whole thing in the bathroom _was_ just a heat of the moment thing. Amy was just driven by her emotions.

Hope let a few tears slide down her cheek and mix with the shower water at the thought.

Amy didn’t like her. She literally threw up on Hope because she was disgusted by her.

Hope took a deep breath to gather herself. She turned off the shower and peeled the curtain back.

“This seems like an interesting time to take a shower.”

“Fuck, Gigi!” Hope grabs the curtain attempting not to slip and fall after being startled by the girl sitting casually on the sink counter. Gigi continues to stare at her as Hope quickly grabs her clothes and pulls them on.

“You were wrong by the way. Amy doesn’t like me.”

Gigi tilted her head confused for a moment before shaking her head, “No, I’m never wrong.”

“Well she threw up on me, so.”

Hope leans down to pick up Amy’s underwear. She must’ve left it in the rush with Hope yelling at her to leave.

Gigi’s eyes widen. “Oh my God, It was probably the drugs.”

Hope snaps her head to look at Gigi, “Drugs? Gigi, you do know we are talking about Amy here.”

Gigi has now stood up from the counter and is pacing in the small bathroom “I know, I gave her a laced strawberry earlier and maybe it was a bad reaction?”

“You drugged Amy?!” Hope was worried. She needed to find Amy and make sure she was okay.

Gigi looks curiously at the remnants of puke on the carpet. She bends down and reaches a hand toward it.

“What are you doing!?”

But it’s too late Gigi’s hand is in the puke and pulling out an object. Hope thinks she might throw up now too. She looks up at the ceiling and focuses on breathing.

“Or it was this...” Gigi holds the small object up and studies it, “cigarette butt.”

Hope’s eyes widen in realization. She looks at the cigarette butt in Gigi’s hand.

“Oh my God, this is all my fault.” 

Hope grabs her jacket and slips it on. She shoves Amy’s underwear into her pocket and bolts out the door.

She searches the living room but there's no sign of Amy.

“To Amy our Queen!” George shouts from on top of a table. The entire room lifts their cups up and chants it back. Hope looks on at them confused. She walks over and grabs George by his arm and drags him off the table.

“Ow, what the fuck. What do you want?” She lets him go and he brushes off his arm.

“Where’s Amy?”

“You didn’t see?” George pulls out his phone and shows Hope a video of Amy getting arrested, “She sacrificed herself to save the rest of us.”

“She what?” Hope is in shock. “What are we going to do?”

“We can’t do anything about it now.”

Hope ignores him and walks toward the door to leave. She reaches into her pockets for her keys when George grabs her arm.

“Hope you can’t leave.”

“Let go of me George.” Hope tries to shrug him off.

“No, I saw you drink tonight. You’re not driving.” He wrestles the keys from her hands.

“We have to go get her, George! We can’t just leave her in jail!” 

George puts a hand on her shoulder and leads her to sit down. He hands her a glass of water. “Hope, she’s going to be fine. It’s Amy. She recited her Miranda rights to the cop.”

Hope cracks a smile, _of course she did._

“Besides, Molly is probably already bailing her out as we speak.” George laughs to himself. “She’s probably telling them she is a future Supreme Court Justice and demanding that they release Amy.”

Hope nods, “You’re probably right.”

“You’ll see her tomorrow at Graduation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, my dudes, I'm thinking there's only going to be one more chapter left of this
> 
> hopefully it'll be up soon
> 
> hmu on tumblr if you want to talk booksmart/gay shit/send prompts  
> [@awkwardatfirstsight](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/awkwardatfirstsight)


	4. Who Knew Reckless Driving Could Be Such a Turn On.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You got this. You got this. You got this._  
>   
> 
> Sorry I fell off the face of the earth.... but, I'm backkkkkkkkkk. lol.

She wasn’t there.

Graduation was supposed to start 15 minutes ago and Amy and Molly are missing. Jared is stepping up to give Molly’s speech and Hope feels sick to her stomach. She knew Amy was in trouble and she did nothing.

She keeps scanning the crowd to see if maybe she missed her. Searching desperately for auburn hair and a bright smile.

But she’s not there.

CRASH.

Jared stops speaking on stage. Everyone turns in their chairs and watch as Jared’s obnoxiously painted car speeds through the fence and onto the field. The car skids to a stop and Hope’s jaw dropped in shock as Amy got out from the drivers side.

_Who thought recklessly driving through a fence could be such a turn on._

Amy and Molly run to the stage. The crowd cheers them on. Hope can’t take her eyes off Amy.

The ceremony passed by in a flash. Graduation caps were flying through the air and everyone started to disperse.

Now was Hope’s chance to talk to Amy. She tried to move through the crowd toward where Amy stood by the stage. Amy glanced around and made eye contact with Hope. Amy’s eyes widened when they landed on Hope and she quickly grabbed Molly’s hand and dragged her away from Hope and toward their parents.

Hope stopped and watched as Amy hurried away. Her excitement now gone.

“Catch me!”

Hope had no time to react as Gigi jumped off the stage and knocked Hope down to the ground.

“Why would you do that!?” Hope groaned on the ground.

Gigi shrugged and got up. She extended a hand out to Hope and helped her up from the ground.

Hope glanced around to where she saw Amy run off to. Hope locked eyes with Amy for a split second before Amy tore her eyes away from hers. Hope had caught her staring. Gigi followed Hope’s eyeline.

“She’s embarrassed.”

“What?” Hope turned back to Gigi.

“Amy. She’s embarrassed about throwing up on you. That’s why she’s avoiding you.”

Hope winced at the memory. Amy probably thinks she is trying to find her to bitch her out about last night. How is she supposed to get her alone to tell her that’s not at all what she wants to do.

She wants to tell her that she looks beautiful even though her hair's a mess. That she’s sorry about last night because it’s all her fault. That if she could get another chance she would make sure it went perfectly and that Amy felt comfortable the whole time. She just wants to be around her.

She just needs to get her alone.

“Do you know where Amy lives?” Hope asks Gigi.

Gigi nods, “She lives at her house.”

Hope grumbles, “The address, Gigi, I need the address.”

“Who’s address?” Jared walks in and slings an arm around Gigi’s shoulder.

“Amy’s,” Gigi smirks to him, “Hope is in love.”

Hope’s eyes bug out of her head, “I didn’t say-”

“Congrats bro! O.M.G. I can totes get the Addy for ya. I’ll just text Mol.” Jared pulls his phone out of his pocket and starts to type.

“Just don’t tell Molly why you need the address.”

“Are you surprising her? That’ll be so cute! If you need a string quartet let me know, I know a guy.” Jared looks up from his phone smiling.

Gigi perks up, “Is it Johnathan?” Jared nods, “Ugh I miss him! How’s his parakeet?”

Jared frowns, “Derek died a few months ago.”

“Noooooo,” Gigi frowns.

Hope watches the conversation in stunned silence.

Jared’s phone dings. He looks at the screen.

“Oh, here’s the address! I’ll text it to you.” Jared sends the address to Hope.

“Thanks, Jared.” Hope saves the address into her phone and starts to walk away.

“No problemo! And seriously let me know about that string quartet! It’d be baller AF. As fuck… Baller as fuck.”

“I think I’ll be fine, but thanks anyways.” Hope walks backwards and waves goodbye to them.

“Alright, sweet and simple, I get it! But if you change your mind H.M.U.” Jared does finger guns to Hope’s retreating figure.

“Jared! Let’s go!” Gigi starts to drag him towards his car.

**************************

Her hands were sweating and she wiped them against her jeans for the fifth time since she had parked. Hope stares at the house from her car. Amy’s car is parked in the driveway so she is definitely home.

_God what if she can see me sitting here._

Hope finally reaches across to the passenger seat and grabs the plastic bag.

She steps out of her car and walks toward the house. Each step brings a new wave of anxiety. Maybe she should’ve brought flowers. But it was too late, she’s knocking on the door and standing there waiting.

The door opens and a man who must be Amy’s Dad opens the door.

“Hello? Are you looking for Amy?” He greets her warmly.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Do you want to come in and wait for her?” He opens the door.

“Oh, no. It’s okay, I can just wait here.”

He smiles at her, “I’ll go get her for you.”

Amy’s Dad disappears from the doorway and Hope takes a deep breath. She leans back against the house.

_You got this. You got this. You got this._

The door opens again and there she is, Amy, looking so perfect and nerdy and adorable. Not like she had spent the night in jail and crashed a car through a fence just a day before.

Amy looks more nervous than Hope feels. Amy doesn’t know how to hide her nerves as well as Hope. In all fairness, Hope had four years of practicing how to hide her nerves around Amy.

“Hey”

Amy is smiling at her as she puts her hands in her pockets and Hope is so overwhelmed because Amy is right here in front of her. This time Amy is not drunk or upset. No. This time she’s talking to Hope in broad daylight, sober and nervous, and everything suddenly feels so much more real. 

And this time everything is going to work out. Hope can feel it in her bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a short little one, but I felt bad that it's been so long.
> 
> thanks for reading this, dudes. Especially if you stuck around for the monthsssss I've been gone. Apologies, life got busy. Especially because I am writing for four different projects at film school... yikesssss. But hey, now that school is online, maybe I'll have more time.
> 
> If you want a potential _one more_ chapter of this I can consider it. Leave a comment to lmk....  
> Would you want the canon scene that picks up from here? A flash forward to the future? Something different??? lmk.
> 
> Sending good vibes  
> \--m


End file.
